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Let’s be honest. You never thought this would happen. You married the love of your life and she was awesome!
Beautiful, sexy, smart, fun!
You did everything together, talked all the time, cuddled watching movies, you had sex every day.
Then you had kids…
The kids become the center of your universe. You try juggling work, doctor appointments, school plays, soccer practice, a leaking toilet…it never ends. All of a sudden you realize you haven’t spoken to your wife in weeks about anything that didn’t involve the kids or what’s for dinner or something that needs be done around the house.
And you probably haven’t sex in even longer.
No talk of politics or what’s new at work, or how her dad is doing. Once the kids go to bed, you’re sitting on the couch staring at the TV trying to decompress…ALONE. Your wife is upstairs in bed trying to sleep…ALONE. Time gets away from us and between work and the kids, life wears us down.
I get it!!
It has happened to me and my wife plenty of times, its normal. And chances are, if you realize it now, she probably realized it 2 weeks ago (or longer). If you’re lucky and your wife is a good communicator, she may have already told you she feels “disconnected” from you. If she hasn’t told you, she’s definitely thinking and feeling it.
Maybe you haven’t realized it.
Maybe you’re just in a situation where you keep trying to get action, but she’s not having it and you’re just frustrated and don’t know what her problem is. I’ll tell you what the problem is. Unlike us, our wives need more than a warm body. They need intimacy and attention on an emotional and psychological level. They need you to distract their minds from the kids and the dishes and the laundry and work.
You need to put effort and focus and attention into her!!
You need to remind her that she is still that beautiful, sexy, smart, fun woman you married. As much as you may not realize it, you need to constantly be working to keep your wife close to on an emotional level. If you slack on this and don’t make it a priority, your relationship will slip further and further away. Eventually you’ll be sleeping in separate bedrooms until the kids are old enough you think they can handle the divorce.
SO DON’T BE STUPID!
Even though your relationship takes a lot of work, there are some really, REALLY EASY things you can do to help improve your wife’s connection to you. Start with some of these easy tips and keep your lady close. Check out “6 Things All Kids Need to See Dad Doing“ to see how these things also have a huge positive impact on your kids!
1. Go to bed at the same time
You’ve had a long day at work, you got the kids bathed and put to bed, and now you just want to sit on couch and watch TV or play some video games. We all need time to unwind and decompress, totally normal. But you should be limiting this to 3 times per week. 3 days per week to watch that movie or play that video game. That’s it. The other 4 days are for you to share your time with the woman you CHOSE to share your life with. Maybe she falls asleep as soon as you both get in bed, maybe you watch a show together, maybe you talk about the day. It doesn’t matter. Your presence with her in bed helps build and maintain that closeness and intimacy. Just put your phone down, unplug, and be present with her. And this is not a one shot deal. This needs to be consistent over time. The more nights you spend together, the closer she will feel to you. Plus, when you’re already in bed with her, you’ve significantly increased your odds that it leads to something (wink wink).
2. Kiss her goodbye every day (on the lips)
No cheek kisses!
Lips only because lips mean something! Cheek kisses are for grandmas! I kiss my wife goodbye every morning when I leave for work. It shows her that I still think about her and that I’m still interested in kissing her. Sometimes its quick, and sometimes I pull her in close. A hand on the waist or small of her back when you kiss her helps emphasize your affection for her.
3. Do the dishes
If you’re not the kind of guy that does the housework, you need to start, this isn’t 1950! Whether your wife works or stays home with the kids, the housework never ends. Helping with some of the housework helps reduce her stress because that’s one less thing for her to do. It also means she may not be as exhausted when you go to bed, possibly leaving energy for other things (wink wink). Show your wife the two of you are a team that share responsibility equally rather than spark resentment by assuming she is going to do everything while you sit on the couch.
4. Stay fit together
This one has been a huge win for me when it comes to staying connected to my wife. For many people, this can take many forms. You could start a diet together (we did The Whole 30, check out my post on that here), talk about meal planning, what you ate that day, and support each other when you are struggling. Or it can be working out together. Maybe you have space in the basement to do yoga before the kids wake up, or join a gym that has a childcare room. You don’t have to necessarily do every exercise together, but you should do some. My wife and I will run on the treadmill next to each other, and then split up to do weights. Not only is exercise and nutrition super important as you get older and want to be able to keep up with your kids, but you also are working on being hotter for your partner, which you both will appreciate. It also gives you tons to talk about like your progress, exercises you’re doing, food you’re eating, how far you ran, and so on.
5. Watch a TV show together
It’s important to try to find things you have in common to talk about, besides the kids. Finding a good TV show that you both want to watch is a great way to encourage you to spend time together and gives you a topic of conversation. If it is something that is new and airs only once a week, check out the shows on Netflix and you can watch TV together multiple times a week, and have even more to talk about!
6. Compliment her
I tell my wife that I love her ass all the time. While I know it somewhat annoys her, I also know she appreciates that I still find her sexy. Compliments about your wife’s physical attributes and beauty are always a good way to go, but it’s just as important to compliment her on other things as well. Maybe she redecorated something in the house, or accomplished something at work, or did something nice for a family member.
Make sure you tell her how awesome and amazing you think she is!
It shows that you’re paying attention to her, and a few words go a long way!
These are really small simple things you can be doing today to improve your connection and closeness with your wife.
You’re in this for the long haul so you better keep at it!
Please comment below and tell me what you’ve learned from marriage or let me know of any questions you have, advice you are looking for, or topics you are interested in reading about. Subscribe here to receive notifications of new posts and updates.